Tag Archive: Humor

Tea, Crumpets and Queens!

GENRE
August 1993

Hungry Man
Tea, Crumpets and Queens!

Despite the bad rap English food takes, here’s a mouth-watering surprise.

Genre“Pint of best bitter and kidney pie,” Christopher recites again for me. “It’s a safe bet for ordering in an English pub. Don’t order anything else. Except maybe fish and chips.” Christopher has lived his whole life in England and has just confirmed my worst fears about his native cuisine. Not that there’s anything wrong with steak and kidney pie or fish and chips – if you don’t mind your recommended weekly allowance of fats and oils packed into one lunch.

British cuisine is not Mom, Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet. It’s the Queen, Cricket, Bangers, Shepherd’s Pie, and a Land Rover. I’ve seen the movies. The British never eat anything but Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding, Plum Pudding, Toad-in-the-Hole, and Very Boiled Vegetables. I know that half the Western world eats Very Boiled Vegetables, but if only the rest passed the lips of the Queen’s queens, they’d be fat. They’re not. There’s nothing quite like a fresh-faced boy straight from the English countryside to inspire loyalty to the crown.

I follow said boy to said countryside. The cliffs of Dover, the back alleys of London and Liverpoll. There is real food in Britain. And an excellence I hadn’t quite expected.

The hills are alive with wood pigeons, quail, rabbits, deer. Fresh herbs right from cottage gardens. For the meat-eaters among us, there is nothing quite so mouth-watering as a straight-form-the-oven Game Pie. Tender, juicy bites of venison and hare mingle with soft wedges of carrots, turnips, and potatoes. A sprig of English thyme gives its all for the tastebuds.

I’ve lived around New York for the last ten years. I thought I’d discovered a Jewish boy’s heaven when I first tasted lox from the Lower East Side. Then I had Hebridean salmon, oak smoked, sliced thin enough to read through. It melted on my palate like an aged Bordeaux. Maybe not destined for a bagel with a schmear of cream cheese, but on a bed of greens with a light vinaigrette you could even win over your lover’s mother.

There is a tradition in French cooking to use meat stocks for soup. Luckily, a tradition the English have not fallen prey to. I like vegetable soup that tastes like vegetables, not meat. In spring, a simple watercress and lemon broth. Summer brings a light puree of fresh garden peas with pungent English mint. A cream of leek with Stilton cheese soup swirls in with the Autumn leaves. Chill winter winds are held at bay by a perfect potato, parsnip, and pepper potage.

Back in London, there is nothing quite like High Tea…with the Queen. Cups of steaming Earl Grey by our sides, we work our way up a three-tiered serving stand. On level one are the finger sandwiches. Crustless rectangles of bread with smoked salmon and herb cream cheese, watercress and cucumber, thin sliced sausage and slivered apples. On to level two with its scones and crumpets with clotted cream and jam. The crumpet, for those who’ve always wondered, is an English Muffin that didn’t fall into America’s hands. We crest the tray at level three, with bite-sized wedges of frosted sponge cake. A last draw on our mugs of tea and we wander out into the street, our quest for English cuisine sated.

Weekend mornings are no longer complete without fresh baked scones. Not the small wedges of dough with the density of lead that can be found at your neighborhood muffin shop. Light, sweet or savory, quick to make, ready by your morning coffee. Get out that food processor or crack your knuckles and…

Thoroughly mix 1½ cups of all purpose flour, 1½ teaspoons of baking powder, a pinch of salt, and ½ a stick of butter. Add a handful of whatever your heart desires; raisins, chocolate chips, chopped nuts, grated cheese. A ½ teaspoon of the spice of your choice, 3 tablespoons of sugar if you want them sweet, an egg, and 4 tablespoons of milk. Mix together quickly; don’t go overboard or the dough will get tough. Add a little more milk if the dough is still crumbly. Take 1½ inch lumps of dough and flatten slightly on a floured baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes till golden brown. Eat. Long live the Queen.


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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Who’s Out Where?

The Stand-Up Comedy Experience Newsletter
Summer 1993

Who’s Out Where?

Prior to his great showing at the Industry Night, Sam Brown had been emceeing shows at Stand-Up New York and raking in the laughs in New Jersey at The Comedy Vault, Comedy Cafe, Comedy Shop, Catch a Rising Star and Red Robin. He also booked a group of fellow comedians to perform in showcases at Del’s.

Among his star performers was Dan Kornfeld, who recently won an amateur comedy contest at Shooting Star’s in Yonkers and the title of “New York’s Funniest College Comedian” at Banana’s in Poughkeepsie.

Also working with Sam was Judith Currin, who has been performing at Off-Center and starred in a feature Telecom Japan produced on The Stand-Up Comedy Experience.

Alladin Ullah is appearing as a regular at Catch a Rising Star in New York and touring on the college circuit.

Frank Girese, another of our rising stars, is now a regular hit at Tatou’s.

Appearing as house comic at The Uptown Comedy Club is our own Daryl Bowser. Daryl has been playing the corporate circuit at fundraisers, parties and The Corporate Comedy Laugh-Off and hots an open-mike show at Vinnie O’s in New Jersey.

Also with his own open-mike show is Brad Trachtman, who hosts auditions on Sundays and a showcase on Mondays at a new comedy venue, Tommy’s Red Caddy.

In the booking department, Rick Dorfman is working for Barry Katz as a booking agent for New York Entertainment and manager of Boston Comedy Club. One of the comics they represent is workshop veteran Casey Fraser.

L.A. member Victoria Edwards had a guest shot on The Tom Arnold Show. She has recently been showcased at The Improv in Santa Monica and Igby’s in L.A.

With a new baby Max at hand, Liz Margoshes is in the midst of writing a one-woman music and comedy show, “Where The Boys Are.” Liz also won a slot in one of the first “Stars of Tomorrow” showcases at The Duplex and has appeared at Stand-Up New York.

Producer Collette Black put on a show in January at 55 Grove Street featuring several of our comics – Park Borchert, Jim Gaffigan and Annie Sopher. Jim quipped, “I’m on the road and enjoyin’ it.”

Kristine Zbornik, who has for years delighted patrons of Don’t Tell Mama and 55 Grove Street with her musical comedy, recently completed a run with fellow comic George Sanders in “Dakota George”. Kristine was booked as one of the first comics to work The Russian Tea Room’s new comedy nights, and recently won a MAC Award for her cabaret performances.

Joe Monagas has worked the outer boroughs, to raves at Bay Ridge’s Crazy Country Club and Staten Island’s Pip’s.

And further out, Steve Tennenbaum plays to crowds around New Jersey, Casy O’Toole’s being his favored spot to hang. He’s also been seen at pre-shows at several New York City comedy clubs.

Wendy Stuart appeared on The Jerry Springer Show on NBC, several commercials and earned her stripes in the smokey rooms at The Comic Strip, Coldwater’s and The West Bank Cafe.

Mary Dimino is a regular at the New York Comedy Shop, Rascals, Giggles & Bits and The Uptown Comedy Club (Lancaster). She had her own show at 55 Grove last summer, and recently won the “Stars of Tomorrow” competition at The Duplex. Mary has appeared on America’s Funniest People and is the head writer for the Bob Gonzo Show, on local cable.

Rob Pitaccio, our former office manager, won the recent Red Robin Comedy Club’s “Laugh-Off Contest”. New office manager Danielle Broussard emceed a show at The Comic Strip that starred such noted performers as Phil Nee, Alladin, and Shades of Comedy. She’s also been a hit at Ye Olde Triple Inn and Flamingo’s, and is booked for a run at The New York Comedy Club in September.

Working the northern lights, David Cleary performs regularly at Treehouse in Westport, Connecticut.

Fred Fortunato keeps finding himself on stage at Joker’s in New Haven, The New York Comedy Club in Holyoke, Massachusetts and The Brass Rail in Providence.

Down south and west, Peter Fox has appeared at Havana in New Hope, PA and Jester’s at Trump Castle in Atlantic City. He recently auditioned for a slot on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Peter is forming a film production company in Atlantic City to produce art films.

Also on stage at Havana is John McMenamin. John performed and emceed at The Corner Inn in Trenton, NJ, played a recent trade show for the Society of Association Executives and appeared before a convention for Marriott Corporation in Florida.

In one of the more unusual acts we’ve heard of, Ken Savoy recently performed for a Boy Scout jamboree… by telephone.

Mike Capalbo is sticking around the Hackensack, New Jersey area, working on developing a comedy writing career. There was a “Just Married”sign on the back of his car late last year. Founding member Eli Krupnik, who is developing a comedy training kit, also recently tied the knot. On the same front, the workshop has produced its first reported coupling, with Rachel Robbins and Doug Willen announcing their engagement.

On other fronts, Jaz Dorcey coaches singers and has tucked some comedy patter into the routines of many of his students. Jaz wrote a play which is currently being produced for television, “Eat Crow.”

Tony Alicata is directing at the Nat Horne Theatre. His most recent shows are “Poet’s Corner” and “Stalling.”

Dan Burke can be seen doing improv with the group Soho Loco. Craig Bitet, in a parallel life, is showing his improv talents with Comedia Improviso.

Argentinian TV comic Enrique Dura, who joined us to brush up on his English stand-up presentation, has turned his attention towards a professional cartooning career.

Last summer, Manhattan Cable TV ran the variety show “Mondo Television” which starred Michael Gold. Michael, who works as a TV production assistant, at last report, was writing a script for the hit sitcom Seinfeld.

Marybeth Mooney has been working her way ’round New York’s open mike circuit, and with friends and co-members Judy Sheehan, Bambi DeVille and Annie Sopher, formed a stand-up and sketch comedy quartet. We’re Naked Under These Clothes, which had a successful run for many months. She also recently filmed a sitcom pilot, Violet Fields and was cast on an HBO promotional spot.

Judy was a regular at Coldwater’s and The Duplex but is concentrating on writing. She has two plays in production, a one-act, “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” being done for summer stock in Ann Arbor, Michigan and a full length called “Bright Girls, Stupid Lives” in New Jersey.

Annie has been a regular on the open mike circuit and last winter won the “Stars of Tomorrow” contest at The Duplex.

The pre-show and late night circuit has always been popular with up and coming comics. Trocader’s, Stand-Up NY, The Comic Strip, The New York Comedy Club, The Improv, The Village Gate, Glady’s, Pip’s, 55 Grove Street and Don’t Tell Mama have all opened their doors to new talents from the workshop. Regulars include Angel Hernandez, Rick Diaz, Gabriel Falcon, Guy Ellis, Sam Goodyear, Glynn Borders, Karen Hamilton and Jonas Best.

Rick was recently booked for a series of twelve community fundraisers for the New York City Housing Authority and is exploring the college comedy loop.

Guy has competed at The Apollo and more recently been exploring some acting, appearing in the stage drama, “Decisions.”

Sam continues to concentrate his talents as the general manager, producer and performer at The Leather Stocking Theater Company in Cooperstown. He recently headed off to teach music in Australia and work with author Bryce Courtenay (The Power of One) on a musical adaptation of the book.

Glynn is focusing on a directing and writing career, with recent shows “The Dark Star from Harlem” at the Josephine Baker, “From Ragamuffin to Riches” at La Mama Etc and the sketch comedy group, Out of Control with hit “Midsummer’s Night Scream.” He’s also writing for comic Terry Hodges.

Karen, our operatic star, continues her work with The Amato Opera Company.

Also singing is Gayle Humphrey who recently showed up behind the mike at the jazz festival in Vail, Colorado. Gayle has also appeared in several recent industrial films.

Fun news from a favorite team, Paul Weinstein and his puppets. Paul and his sponge-filled family have been out entertaining the nursing home set. Entertainment therapy is the new rage, and Paul is leading the pack. He and the puppets even cut a pilot for a TV sitcom.

Dan Perlman continues to perform and write comedy freelance.

And our own head coach, Steve Rosenfield was recently the subject of an article that appeared in The London Times and a feature documentary on BBC. On top of that, WABC-TV, Channel 7’s Joel Segal, produced a week-long special called “Comedy New York Style” that first aired in March. The episode looked at the future of comedy and was devoted to Steve’s training programs and focused on his teaching, and followed Esta Berman and Aprele Elliot though the creation of their sets, from workshop sessions to performance night. The show also picked Casey Fraser as a comedy star of the future.


In the late 80s/early 90s I got involved with The Stand-Up Comedy Experience (now, American Comedy Institute) and had fun performing stand-up in clubs, and honing my comedy writing skills… the latter, at least, seems to have stuck with me.

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Stand-Up Comedy Experience

In the late 1980s/early 1990s, I participated in a workshop comedy group called The Stand-Up Comedy Experience, under the direction of the inestimable Steve Rosenfield. That workshop has grown and morphed and is now the American Comedy Institute. It was a hobby, that I briefly toyed with turning into something more, but, my creative talents lend themselves more to comedy writing, and to cooking, than to performing. Still, I had a hell of a lot of fun.

Material: Growing Up in a Family; Dissension; Life Observations; Family Vacations

Location: Don’t Tell Mama, New York City

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Heard the One About…?

GENRE
November 1992

Parting Glances
Heard the One About…?

Heading Straight for the Funny Farm

GenreBetween June 7th and October 4th, 1995, 27-year old aspiring comedian Benny Goldschmidt received major yawns and was booed off the stage of virtually every major comedy club on the East Coast after telling jokes involving a heterosexual spouse. In frustration, he crashed the Comic Triangle awards banquet for top comedy entertainers of the year and attempted a string of Henny Youngman style one-liners. “Take my wife, please!” he shouted again and again as he was dragged offstage by New York City’s finest. No one laughed.

GENRE staffer Dan Perlman visited Mr. Goldschmidt for this exclusive interview in Bellevue Hospital’s lock-up ward where he is under observation while awaiting trial. Mr. Goldschmidt was under fairly heavy sedation, but even in this condition, his speech was punctuated with outburts of pathetic jokes.

GENRE: Mr. Goldschmidt…

Benny Goldschmidt: Benny, please.

GENRE: Okay, Benny. Let me ask the obvious question. Why would any aspiring comedian in the ’90s use such stale material?

BG: You mean the straight stuff, right? What’s the difference between a blond cocktail waitress and…

GENRE: Well, yes. Heterosexual comedy is just passé, don’t you think?

BG: Hey, I’m on the edge, you know, very Lenny Bruce. Talking about the people who just don’t get talked about anymore. My mother-in-law is so-o-o ugly…

GENRE: Lenny Bruce was talking about oppressed minorities.

BG: That’s just my point. Straights are the oppressed now, you guys get all the good gigs. My girlfriends gives such good…

GENRE: You can’t be serious.

BG: Of course I am. I called Arsenio, I called Sally Jesse, I called Oprah, I called Phil. I told them I do straight material and they hung up. I called Geraldo and offered to do gay material, you know, what did one fag say to the other fag…I even called Regis Philbin…

GENRE: You called Regis Philbin?

BG: Yeah, he sympathized, but said he didn’t think he could use me before 1997, and no stuff about women. My act is women. I love women. As a matter of fact, let me tell you about the time I loved two…

GENRE: Excuse me, but don’t you think comedy changes? People don’t want to hear heterosexual stuff anymore. The jokes are just plain old, like cooties jokes we used to tell in grade school. We outgrew them.

BG: Let me tell you, there’s always a place for the classics. Ministers, rabbis, priests, lawyers, wives, mothers-in-law. Did ya’ hear the one about the farmer’s daughter?

GENRE: You’ve certainly got a handle on bad jokes – everything from borscht belt to raunch…

BG: Bad? Bad? Somebody’s got to preserve these jokes. I think of myself as sort of a Jackie Mason, Bob Hope, Andrew Dice Clay and Sam Kinison all in one. Hey, do you know what the face of a married man looks…

GENRE: You think of yourself as Bob Hope?

BG: I got to. It gives me my edge. Besides, I want to do military shows, you know, USO kind of stuff. So this WAC comes up to me…

GENRE: You want to try that out in front of the lesbian militia?

BG: Like I got a shot. They got this trio of queers doin’ the shows. And some drag queen from L.A. looks like Whoopi. You know, that’s not her real name. So my friend asks me, is it true about black women…

GENRE: I’ve got to ask. Why crash the Comic Triangle awards? It’s for gay comedians.

BG: I had to make my point. I mean, I can tell a joke about blowin’ the chauffeur and sittin’ on barstools upside down as well as anyone…

GENRE: Wait a minute! That’s the kind of joke you’d tell about us. Not what we’d tell about ourselves!

BG: Yeah? Whatever. I had to show them that straight stuff is funny. You ever hear the one about my wife and the lost credit cards…

GENRE: But the stuff isn’t funny. No one laughed.

BG: Yeah, well, they didn’t give me enough time. I coulda got those pansies rollin’ in the aisles. So this burglar breaks into my house…

GENRE: Yeah, yeah, we all know that one. “Take my domestic partner. Please.”


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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Greek Active

GENRE
September 1992

Parting Glances
Greek Active

The Alphabet, Not a Position

GenreLiberty, Equality, Fraternity! The cry of the French Revolution. Except, of course, it was Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité! The first two make perfect sense as things to have rebelled in favor of. But why the proletariat were championing group campus living when they were already stuck in squalid communal living situations is beyond me.

My knowledge of fraternities comes from such exemplary sources as Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds (parts I through III). When I first came onto campus, the vocabulary quickly became part of everday life. Rush was something that came in small brown bottles and made our hearts race. Pledge came in lemon scent and didn’t leave streaks. And haze was something that obscured the view early in the morning.

Evers since 1825 and the first Phi Beta Kappa fraternity, gay college men have been subjected to the most difficult decision of their educational pursuit; Do we opt for the daily drudgery of the dorm or do we butch it up and try for frat life? Bastions of macho posturing would seem to me to be no place for a boy in heels. (Much like the military.) It couldn’t take too long for a gay pledge to figure out that Greek referred to an alphabet and a tradition, not a position.

So, why not a gay fraternity? There is, of course, the housing issue. Fraternities tend to be cheap, if communal, living situations. And dorms are certainly no place for your average queen. The idea of a gay fraternity, where we could let our hair down, loll around the common room watching television, hanging out in our underwear, and partying ’til we drop, is not new. Of course, until now, we called it a summer share. But then, Fire Island and Key West just aren’t what they used to be. (If they ever were.)

Debauchery, decadence, and degeneracy. The watchwords of fraternity life. Party time! Now, never let it be said that I don’t like a good party. But I refuse to be seen wrapped in my bedsheets. Especially if I’m supposed to be pretending I’m wearing the latest in toga fashion. Just who among us has the funds, energy or creativity to come up with a different très fab costume every single night of the school year, and still maintain a grade point average above the IQ of our last boyfriend?

I find myself trying to imagine the selection process for new frat pledges at our local chapter of Delta whatever. I know they claim that everything is now handled professionally. Hazing is a thing of the past. PLedges perform community service rather than polish frat brothers’ cars, drink quarts of vodka, and screw dogs. And I’m Princess Grace of Monaco.

Of course, most of what the typical “straight” fraternities consider humiliating hazing activities occurs nightly at our favorite gay establishments. I suppose the equivalent would be forcing our new pledges to do things like play spin-the-bottle with the cheerleading squad. Or maybe make them go to class wearing those pullover shirts with the little penguin over the pocket. And last year’s shoes. Better yet, make them dance the Hustle.

The final and biggest mystery of fraternity life has nothing to do with the local house, the frat brothers themselves, or even whether frat boys get good seats at the football game. (Football? That’s a sport, right?) No, the biggest mystery is the selection of frat names. I mean, just how did the Psi Epsilon Chi Xi Nu Mus get their moniker? How did the nerds in Revenge I get Lambda, Lambda, Lambda, name clearly more suited for us? How did we end with Delta Lambda Phi, when the obvious acronym is Phi Alpha Gamma? I imagine it’s done by some secret Greek council playing a game much like rock, paper, scissors.

Strangely, when I was on campus, the idea of joining a fraternity never came up. Of course, we didn’t have a gay frat, and my pink triangle probably didn’t go well with the ideals of the Alpha Omega house, or whatever it was. Though it did look cute on my ROTC uniform…but that’s another story.


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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Dating Daze

GENRE
August 1992

Parting Glances
Dating Daze

Did You Know You Can’t Tickle Yourself?

GenreA NEW NOTEBOOK in hand, a small case filled with Dixon Ticonderoga No. 2 pencils, my Buster Browns polished to a high gloss, trembling with fear. Wait. That was kindergarten. This is a first date. I should have brought flowers, not pencils.

Why did I call that 900 line (the one GENRE would never print)? You’d think I’d have learned from past experience. I called a 900 line once before. I gazed deeply into the eyes of my teddy bear as I imagined hands trailing lightly over my body, tickling those intimate spots. Did you know you can’t tickle yourself? It’s impossible. I opted for a dial tone and a cheese sandwich.

It’s been a summer filled with exploration. I set out to find love, amour, romance, eros, lust in the dust. I saw my first robin of spring on April Fool’s Day. It should have been a clue.

Recent advertisements in my collection of gay publications offered workshops to improve my love life. I could truly experience my inner self, my higher self, my lower self, my spirit, my free spirit, my gayness, myhumanity, my global oneness, and even achieve universal consciousness. I would take responsibility, enter my inner realm, find my hidden power, become my power animal, drum on drums, chant chants, and maybe (did I dare hope for it?) release my spirit energy.

I could do this in weeklong retreats, weekend enlightenments, or two and a half hour breakthrough workshops. I would be taught by such masters as ex-door-to-door salesmen, penny stock and junk bond dealers, holdover drug addicts from the sixties, and even one actual, real, authentic guru, with turban, and, I was assured, the cost was less than a trip to Tibet. Not.

Advice from my parents rose, unbidden. My mother advised, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” My father, every hopeful, “Marry a nice Jewish doctor.” According to my husband of May, (a nice Jewish doctor), it is anatomically impossible to get to a man’s heart through his stomach. I suggested an anatomical impossibility of my own.

A friend once insisted that I never date a man who, A, lives with his parents, or B, sleeps in a twin bed. I had to investigate. A and B do not cancel each other out. This insight was ascertained during a particularly festive weekend with Mr. June. Ma June brought us breakfast in bed. Pa June mowed the lawn. I kept falling off the edge of the bed.

My ex-boss came to the rescue in time for Independence Day. “It’s just as easy to marry a rich man as it is to marry a poor man.” She’s divorced from two rich men, so she should know. I borrowed some preppie clothing and headed for a swank party. Champagne flute in one hand, canapes in the other, oohing and ahhing over bombs bursting in air.

Fireworks of another sort started with a corporate comptroller. He offered to whisk me away to a penthouse suite. He was everything a boy could want. Well, actually, he owned everything a boy could want. The Beatles’ “Can’t Buy Me Love” began playing on my internal jukebox. I returned the chinos to my friend and slipped on a pair of well worn jeans. There’s no place like home. I signed on to a computer bulletin board. A self-described nice young man offered safer sex by modem. He sent me lovely strings of asterisks, exclamation points, and little oooo’s.

Which brings me to the 900 line and the potential Mr. August. He sent me a picture: Bronzed from the summer sun, pumped from the gym, faded button-fly’s, steady job wiht decent income. Movies, walks in the rain, Star Trek, he even reads! He probably leaves the cap off the toothpaste. I ring the bell, No. 2 pencils in hand.


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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Do Two Sins Make a Virtue?

GENRE
July 1992

Parting Glances
Do Two Sins Make a Virtue?

Being Gay and Having Pride

GenreThere was this priest, a minister and a rabbi. One of them said (and it really doesn’t matter which one, since they all said it eventually), “That is a sin.” I have to assume they were referring to some transgression of divine law as opposed to the twelfth letter of the Arabic alphabet or the Akkadian god of the moon – respectively, sin and Sin.

It’s a sin to tell a lie. It’s a sin to steal. It’s a sin to covet your ex-lover’s current future ex-lover. And this month, there are those who would remind us that it’s both a sin to be gay and a sin to have pride. One of those is listed in the bible and one is deep in the mind of your local bible thumper. (Thumper in this case not being the rabbit from Bambi.)

Gay pride. Two, count them, two sins in one. (I shall not discuss lesbian pride here, as according to the Queen, lesbians are a myth, and I find myself unable to argue with a lady holding a clutch bag and wearing a tiara.) There is one question which must be on our lips as we march down the streets of N.Y.-L.A.-.S.F.-W.D.C.-K.C. and Pierre, South Dakota: Do two sins make a virtue?

I suppose we must first look at virtue. My dictionary gives numerous definitions; goodness, standards and principles among them. I have noted that many of my gay friends are good striving to live up to their standards and not down to their principles. And they’re quite proud of it. Then there is chastity, innocence and virginity. Chastity, besides what’s-her-name’s daughter, is little more than an attempt to recapture innocence and virginity, and in the words of one famous wit, little more virtuous than malnutrition.

Perhaps our sixteenth president, Abraham Lincoln, put this nonsense most firmly in its place when he said, “It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.” If a little sinning is virtuous enough for the man in the tall black hat, who am I to argue?

We face many questions about pride this month. What kind of float the grand marshall will ride on. Whether or not to wear the spandex bodysuit. Whether womyn on Harleys (I am informed that “dykes on bikes” is no longer an appropriate expression) or fairy circles on rollerblades should lead the parade. These are the critical debates of our time of pride. Oops, I believe I expressed a non-politically correct idea there.

This leads me to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. Can one have pride and be politically correct? The answer is, as best I can tell, a resounding “No.” I am informed that one can only be truly PC if you happen to be one of the many black-Native American, post-operative transsexual, Jewish lesbians with Hispanic surnames and a wheelchair among us. Extra points if you worship the goddess…so chances are, you don’t qualify.

Gay pride itself is a source of some mystery. If one embraces the view that sexuality is biological, then one may as well be proud of having an ear. Or even two. If sociological influence is your bag, you may as well just thank your parents and teachers for doing you this favor and on with your life. So what is all the celebrating about?

Would I have brought up the question without an answer? I think not. There is, of course, an untested theory. This is our one week a year to blow off steam, be as NPC as we like, toss all rules and regulations out the window. Wear a costume. Run naked through the streets. Get another hole pierced in something. Engage in activities no one we hang out with could possibly approve of, until we run into them doing the same.

No meetings to attend, no phone-tree calls to make, no appeals for funds to write. No ruts. Just a good, old-fashioned, all-American fun-fest. And that seems like a virtue that Honest Abe would have heartily approved of.


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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Just How Married Are You?

GENRE
June 1992

Pop Quiz
Just How Married Are You?

A condo of our own, a fence of iron bar, hibachi on the fire escape, washer hooked up to the sink. The gay male couple is not a new idea, it’s not a fluke, and it’s not a standard to which all need aspire. The rules are more moldable, more pliable, maybe even more breakable.

The couple of yesteryear often aspired to a lifestyle modeled on their ostensibly heterosexual parents. For some, this was the be-all and end-all of what a relationship could become. For others, the marriage model looked like a maze that a well-trained lab rat wouldn’t venture into.

Today, relationship styling has become as big as food styling and promises to expand through the 90’s. Perhaps it’s time to find out just how married you are.

1. When he’s not there, you refer to your beloved as:
(0) your “husband”
(1) your “friend”
(2) Bill
(3) your “future ex-lover”

2. The best thing about having a long-term relationship is:
(0) someone to pick up after
(1) your mother is happy
(2) getting it regularly
(3) showing up your friends

3. In bed, you’re most likely to fall asleep:
(0) watching the Tonight Show
(1) reading each other bedtime stories
(2) after sex
(3) who can sleep the way he snores?

4. You know:
(0) the names of all his nieces and nephews
(1) the names of his last two lovers
(2) the name of the company he works for
(3) his first name is Bill

5. My pet name for him is:
(0) honey
(1) light of my life
(2) baby, oh yes, baby, ohhhh
(3) Bill

6. Your friends:
(0) we’re each other’s best friends
(1) have all been couples for at least five years
(2) say we’re a cute couple
(3) hey, he’s got his friends, I’ve got mine

7. Your favorite entertainment is:
(0) parents for the weekend
(1) friends for dinner
(2) the Portuguese navy
(3) I’ve got a career you know

8. Your sweetheart is going on a business trip. You:
(0) catch up on your reading
(1) send flowers to his hotel every morning
(2) check out the new clubs in town
(3) host the summer’s first Mazola party

9. I would never cheat on him because:
(0) after cooking and cleaning there’s no time
(1) he’s funny, smart and good in bed
(2) he ties me to the bed when he leaves
(3) the hell I wouldn’t

10. We would never break up because:
(0) the house is jointly owned
(1) the emotional trauma to the Shih-tzu
(2) sex
(3) the hell I wouldn’t

Total up the numbers next to your answers.

If you scored a perfect 0: you’re right, you’re Matrimony Incarnate and we all stand humbled before you.
1-15: just remember, a little excitement never hurt anyone; store that little black book away for a rainy day.
16-29: you may as well hit the bars now while the pickins is good; don’t count on wedding bells with this one.

If you scored a perfect 30, his name probably isn’t Bill, anyway.


Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…

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